Disabled Children Quotes Biography
Source (google.com.pk )
Like most of the comments in this thread, I am not a parent. My younger brother is 18 and has Asperger's syndrome, bipolar disorder, and frontal lobe scarring. That adds up to an awful cocktail of awfulness, essentially. There are 5 kids in our family, and my parents are still together and have a wonderful marriage. I see a lot of comments saying "it's rewarding, and it's made me the person I am, and I love them like there's nothing wrong with them." That's wonderful for those people, but my personal experience and that of my family has been a nightmare since he was about 5 or 6, which was when it became apparent he was not quite like everyone else. He started having meltdowns, which involved a lot of screaming/yelling/fighting in our family (mostly coming from him, sometimes from the people he started the argument with). When he got to adolescence, he started becoming violent in his meltdowns. You may have read the "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" article that was popular a week or two ago. That was about my experience. He's brain damaged, pure and simple. All of our family is pretty intelligent, and he's no exception. He's calculating and manipulative, and he'll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants (which is usually attention).
When I went to college, my parents started working with a social worker pretty heavily, trying to see what could be done for him, since my parents decided they were no longer capable of caring for him. He's bigger than my dad, and there's still a younger sibling living at home, and it had become dangerous for all of them. Mark would try to beat up my dad and hurt himself and others, and it wasn't a safe environment for anyone. The whole process involved a lot of trips to various mental facilities and psychologists (most of whom he tricked into thinking he could be a normal, functioning member of society). It culminated in the social worker telling my parents that in order to get anything done for him, they would have to call the police during a meltdown and press charges, so that's what they did. He's in a state-funded group home now, after having bounced between several foster care homes, juvenile detention centers, and mental care facilities for kids. The eventual hope is that he'll be able to live in an adult group home and have someone to prompt him to take his medications, go to work, brush his teeth, go to the doctor, etc. Basically, he can't be trusted to do any of the things that any functional person does on their own. My entire childhood was me stepping on eggshells trying not to cause any meltdowns, trying to protect my other younger brother, and hiding in my room crying as he and my dad yelled at each other. It definitely did make me into a different person than I would have otherwise been. I can't say if it's for the better, but I know that in my life I have dealt with a lot more than many people, and am pretty well equipped to deal with most things that could possibly happen to me in the future. He caused unthinkable hardship for my entire family, both emotional and financial, and he's caused some pretty serious psychological damage on my younger brother as well. He's 12 and has considered suicide multiple times and has to see a psychiatrist every couple of weeks. Not many people that age are medicated for depression, and I blame it almost entirely on my other brother.
As far as the sacrifice that my parents have had to make, that's also huge. My dad is a graphic designer who is extremely talented and had a very successful business on his own. As my brother got older, he essentially became a full-time job. My dad had to give most of his clients to other designers, as he didn't have the ability to focus on his work when his family was in danger. My mom works as a nurse in an emergency room, so she works some sort of strange hours, which prompted my dad to work completely from home. This didn't really allow him to work very well, since my brother did not pay any attention to "Papa's at work, don't bother him." He doesn't get the concept of "even though he's in the house, he's at work." His business pretty much fell apart, and we're still struggling to stay afloat. We're in the process of selling our house, since the one we have is too expensive now (it was fine when they first bought it, since they were making good money). My parents helped both of my sisters pay for college, even though it wasn't much. They were unable to help me at all, because along with my brother causing them to not make any money, he also cost them huge amounts of money due to medication, hospital visits (either from self-injury, faking some serious illness, or medication reactions), and stays in psych facilities when he attempted suicide or had a giant meltdown. That in itself is kind of "story of my life." He took all of my parents' attentions and resources, leaving very little for the rest of us.
My dad has told me many times that if he had known Mark would be the way he was, he would have chosen not to have him. He says that my brother has taken years off of his life and made him disbelieve the existence of God entirely. He's really depressed all the time and feels like he isn't enough to take care of my family, even though he's done better than I could ever do. The only time I've ever witnessed my dad cry is when he was talking about Mark and how he felt that he had failed as a father, and that broke my heart.
No unexpected benefits have arisen.
TL;DR - having a disabled sibling isn't all sunshine and life-lesson-learning
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[–]stockholm__syndrome[S] 144 points 1 year ago
Do you harbor any resentment against your parents or brother for "robbing" you of a childhood? (Don't know how better to word that). I have a couple friends with disabled siblings and they sometimes expressed anger at the fact that their needs were kind of automatically placed to the side in order to care for the disabled child.
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[–]kjolley3 162 points 1 year ago
Occasionally, I did feel that way, especially when I was also a teenager. It felt like nobody cared about me, since I wasn't messed up, and I did resent it. I do sometimes feel bitter, as explained in a reply to another user, but more because of the situation than the people involved. I know that my brother didn't choose to be that way, and my parents love us all very much. I've also grown up some, which helps.
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[–]superpony123 319 points 1 year ago*
My life is nearly identical to kjolley3's. I spent pretty much all of my childhood feeling like I was unwanted (not true) and my parents didn't love me (not true) because they spent all their time caring for my severely autistic brother. It caused me to have freakouts in sadness and rage as a desperate call for attention. Then when I was old enough to help out, it became my duty to babysit at the instant it was requested. They never neglected me or anything, I was loved, but the amount of constant care my brother required was astonishing, and I interpreted that as my parents love him way more than they love me. It sucked. I was pretty severely depressed from ages 10-15, and I blame it 100% on my brothers existence. It still makes me feel guilty because it's not his fault he was born that way, but there's nothing in the world that will make me forgive him. Virtually every aspect of my life has been negatively impacted by his condition. I was even bullied throughout most of elementary school solely because I was his sister. It's not like he even went to my school. I don't understand why I was bullied for this, but it made me even more hateful. He was thankfully put in a special boarding school when I was about 10 because he had a bad habit of violently pulling out random people's hair (unfortunately I was one of those people too many times) by the handful. I always begged my parents to give him up for adoption when I was a kid. This always made my parents very sad, which I now understand. He lives in a group home now, but even having him visit for the holidays--even if it's just for a night or two--really just shits on everyone for a while. My mom looks like she's ready to jump off a cliff. I hide in my room or go someplace all day and night. My dad pretends nothing is wrong.
It sucks, and I still wish he had been given up for adoption or something. When he's not home, and he doesn't come up, sometimes I can forget about him almost entirely. Other times I can't, like right now. He was home for two days for Christmas (not like he knows what holidays are, he has the mental age of a 1 year old at best) and brought some awful sickness with him. Only it was just a little cough for him--i cought it and now I've been exceptionally ill. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't be upset at them. But since it's him, and I probably only caught it because he's completely incapable of being a sanitary human being (forget washing hands), I only feel more hate.
eta: go ahead and downvote as much as you want folks. I'm sure the downvotes are coming from people who haven't grown up with an autistic child/sibling. I'm sure my post sounds horrendously heartless and mean and insensitive. Go ahead and continue your way of thinking, because I hope the curse of having an extremely severely mentally disabled child who is violent with retard strength never falls upon your friends and family.
When I went to college, my parents started working with a social worker pretty heavily, trying to see what could be done for him, since my parents decided they were no longer capable of caring for him. He's bigger than my dad, and there's still a younger sibling living at home, and it had become dangerous for all of them. Mark would try to beat up my dad and hurt himself and others, and it wasn't a safe environment for anyone. The whole process involved a lot of trips to various mental facilities and psychologists (most of whom he tricked into thinking he could be a normal, functioning member of society). It culminated in the social worker telling my parents that in order to get anything done for him, they would have to call the police during a meltdown and press charges, so that's what they did. He's in a state-funded group home now, after having bounced between several foster care homes, juvenile detention centers, and mental care facilities for kids. The eventual hope is that he'll be able to live in an adult group home and have someone to prompt him to take his medications, go to work, brush his teeth, go to the doctor, etc. Basically, he can't be trusted to do any of the things that any functional person does on their own. My entire childhood was me stepping on eggshells trying not to cause any meltdowns, trying to protect my other younger brother, and hiding in my room crying as he and my dad yelled at each other. It definitely did make me into a different person than I would have otherwise been. I can't say if it's for the better, but I know that in my life I have dealt with a lot more than many people, and am pretty well equipped to deal with most things that could possibly happen to me in the future. He caused unthinkable hardship for my entire family, both emotional and financial, and he's caused some pretty serious psychological damage on my younger brother as well. He's 12 and has considered suicide multiple times and has to see a psychiatrist every couple of weeks. Not many people that age are medicated for depression, and I blame it almost entirely on my other brother.
As far as the sacrifice that my parents have had to make, that's also huge. My dad is a graphic designer who is extremely talented and had a very successful business on his own. As my brother got older, he essentially became a full-time job. My dad had to give most of his clients to other designers, as he didn't have the ability to focus on his work when his family was in danger. My mom works as a nurse in an emergency room, so she works some sort of strange hours, which prompted my dad to work completely from home. This didn't really allow him to work very well, since my brother did not pay any attention to "Papa's at work, don't bother him." He doesn't get the concept of "even though he's in the house, he's at work." His business pretty much fell apart, and we're still struggling to stay afloat. We're in the process of selling our house, since the one we have is too expensive now (it was fine when they first bought it, since they were making good money). My parents helped both of my sisters pay for college, even though it wasn't much. They were unable to help me at all, because along with my brother causing them to not make any money, he also cost them huge amounts of money due to medication, hospital visits (either from self-injury, faking some serious illness, or medication reactions), and stays in psych facilities when he attempted suicide or had a giant meltdown. That in itself is kind of "story of my life." He took all of my parents' attentions and resources, leaving very little for the rest of us.
My dad has told me many times that if he had known Mark would be the way he was, he would have chosen not to have him. He says that my brother has taken years off of his life and made him disbelieve the existence of God entirely. He's really depressed all the time and feels like he isn't enough to take care of my family, even though he's done better than I could ever do. The only time I've ever witnessed my dad cry is when he was talking about Mark and how he felt that he had failed as a father, and that broke my heart.
No unexpected benefits have arisen.
TL;DR - having a disabled sibling isn't all sunshine and life-lesson-learning
permalink
[–]stockholm__syndrome[S] 144 points 1 year ago
Do you harbor any resentment against your parents or brother for "robbing" you of a childhood? (Don't know how better to word that). I have a couple friends with disabled siblings and they sometimes expressed anger at the fact that their needs were kind of automatically placed to the side in order to care for the disabled child.
permalink
parent
[–]kjolley3 162 points 1 year ago
Occasionally, I did feel that way, especially when I was also a teenager. It felt like nobody cared about me, since I wasn't messed up, and I did resent it. I do sometimes feel bitter, as explained in a reply to another user, but more because of the situation than the people involved. I know that my brother didn't choose to be that way, and my parents love us all very much. I've also grown up some, which helps.
permalink
parent
load more comments (3 replies)
[–]superpony123 319 points 1 year ago*
My life is nearly identical to kjolley3's. I spent pretty much all of my childhood feeling like I was unwanted (not true) and my parents didn't love me (not true) because they spent all their time caring for my severely autistic brother. It caused me to have freakouts in sadness and rage as a desperate call for attention. Then when I was old enough to help out, it became my duty to babysit at the instant it was requested. They never neglected me or anything, I was loved, but the amount of constant care my brother required was astonishing, and I interpreted that as my parents love him way more than they love me. It sucked. I was pretty severely depressed from ages 10-15, and I blame it 100% on my brothers existence. It still makes me feel guilty because it's not his fault he was born that way, but there's nothing in the world that will make me forgive him. Virtually every aspect of my life has been negatively impacted by his condition. I was even bullied throughout most of elementary school solely because I was his sister. It's not like he even went to my school. I don't understand why I was bullied for this, but it made me even more hateful. He was thankfully put in a special boarding school when I was about 10 because he had a bad habit of violently pulling out random people's hair (unfortunately I was one of those people too many times) by the handful. I always begged my parents to give him up for adoption when I was a kid. This always made my parents very sad, which I now understand. He lives in a group home now, but even having him visit for the holidays--even if it's just for a night or two--really just shits on everyone for a while. My mom looks like she's ready to jump off a cliff. I hide in my room or go someplace all day and night. My dad pretends nothing is wrong.
It sucks, and I still wish he had been given up for adoption or something. When he's not home, and he doesn't come up, sometimes I can forget about him almost entirely. Other times I can't, like right now. He was home for two days for Christmas (not like he knows what holidays are, he has the mental age of a 1 year old at best) and brought some awful sickness with him. Only it was just a little cough for him--i cought it and now I've been exceptionally ill. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't be upset at them. But since it's him, and I probably only caught it because he's completely incapable of being a sanitary human being (forget washing hands), I only feel more hate.
eta: go ahead and downvote as much as you want folks. I'm sure the downvotes are coming from people who haven't grown up with an autistic child/sibling. I'm sure my post sounds horrendously heartless and mean and insensitive. Go ahead and continue your way of thinking, because I hope the curse of having an extremely severely mentally disabled child who is violent with retard strength never falls upon your friends and family.
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr
And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And
Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
Disabled Children Quotes Children Quotes Tumblr And Sayings From The Bible For Parents Love For Tattoos Funny And Sayings For Parents Islam About Learning
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